Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
