Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am one with the molecules
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
