So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
