i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
