i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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