Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
