...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
