hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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