So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
