my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
