drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
