I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
