he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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