About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
