In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
