It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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