I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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