I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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