I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
