the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
