Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
