I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
