capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
