Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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