tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
