I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My pussy is not your playground.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
