I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
