So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My cat gives me a boner
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
