I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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