My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
