Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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