Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
