The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
