Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
