see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
