just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
