Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
