Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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