Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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