theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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