I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
