She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
