Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
