I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jerry, you need to find god
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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