i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
