I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
