Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
