I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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