i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
