Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
