3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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