I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
