I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
