I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The feeling are messing with the penis
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
