thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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