WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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