dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
