we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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