i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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