there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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